“We have not come together of the characters”, “we do not understand each other”, “we have different priorities”, “we have a different idea of the main thing in life” … How many options are for the same, but this is not about anything else.About values. How important it is to “value” with a partner, colleagues, friends? And how values affect ourselves and our life scenario?

“When we are talking about values, we kind of understanding what it is about, but no one will give an accurate definition,” explains the author of the book “Big Change” Konstantin Kharsky. – And in this sense, value is a unique thing. Everyone agrees that this is something important for us. I brought out four criteria, according to which you can say whether it is a value of what you think or not ”.

4 signs that the value for you is significant

Let’s conduct an experiment. You, reading this article now, imagine one of your value and do not change it until the end of reading. Conceived? Great. Try it on in the course of reading to what our expert will

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tell about. So, Konstantin Kharsky brought 4 signs of value. For example, he conditionally chose healthy lifestyle – a healthy lifestyle.

Sign 1. How much time do you spend on what you think?

“I spend 0 minutes a day on a day,” comments Konstantin Kharsky. – If so, then healthy lifestyle is not a value for me “. This could have stopped. But let’s check the rest of the signs.

Sign 2. How much money do you spend on what you think?

“I probably spend something-for example, I don’t buy the cheapest food, I choose better products, and this is perhaps all,” the expert explains.

Sign 3. The territory of our life, which is affected by this value

This criterion is more difficult – it is not so easy to understand. But we will try to figure out the example of another common value. Among the men there are those for whom the word of the mother is the law, no matter how many years the man and his mother.

“He with a value called“ Mom ”agrees with everything that happens in his life,” the expert explains. – He enters the store for sausage: “Oh, no, I won’t buy it – my mother will be unhappy”. Or: “Mom would approve this car”. That is, the value of the “mother” in the life of such a man occupies the dominant territory “.

True value will affect, if not for everything, then a lot. Now try on your value to the territory of its influence in your life.

Sign 4. Generation and consumption of information related to value

“If I really value the value of healthy lifestyle, then I will see everything that is connected with it everywhere: to buy books, watch TV shows, read articles on the Internet about this. I will get all my friends at a meeting with talk about healthy diet and sports, ”says Konstantin Khari. If a person tells you that children are important for him, but he will never remember them for the whole evening, then he is cunning, the expert is sure.

If all four signs are present, then the value of value is high. If there is only one sign, then the value for us is not so important. And is it the value? But if we are ready to spend time and money on a certain life concept, it affects the decisions made by us, we notice everything that is connected with it in the world around him, and are ready to share information about it with others, then all the signs of value are available.

For example, a child asks you to get him a dog. “Oh,” you say. – And you are ready to get up every day at 7 in the morning and walk it in front of the school, put your holidays, hobbies, study dependent on the needs of the pet?”

Or the son dreams of becoming a professional musician. Is he ready to waste time on daily classes, routine in the form of gamm and sketches? Is he ready to agree to earn less for music than his peers in other professions? Does he want to go to a musical instrument instead of going to the cinema with friends and to adjust his entire schedule to the dates of reporting concerts, and in the future – under tour in the country, life on trains and performances every night?

And if your son or daughter says yes, then you can take a chance and help them realize your dream. When we “drive” the child through 4 criteria, we help him not only understand how much the value in the form of a dog or music is significant for him, but also make a conscious choice and learn how to recognize his true priorities.

Remember your value conceived at the beginning of reading the article: can you put a checkmark opposite each criterion?

Three ways to change “flashlight”

If you choose a clear image for the value category, then this is a “flashlight”. We highlight with its help a certain part of the world and can move in space. The flashlight initially comes to us from parents or other educators who meet on our path and show us the world – teachers, coaches, mentors, friends.

They draw our attention to something-creativity, interests, opportunities, responsibility, discipline. If we have been living in an atmosphere of approved theft from childhood, when stealing is normal, moreover, this is an art, then, growing, we continue to “highlight” precisely these opportunities.

And so – along our entire value scale. In the process of growing up in the human head, there is chaos from numerous values that often contradict each other or with an incomprehensible dominant – which one is now priority?

“If we do not have any challenges, we will live-following the flow of one or another value“ issued ”by someone or dictated by physiology,” comments Konstantin Kharsky. – Physiology says to a person: “It’s time to sleep,” and he goes to sleep. Or: “It’s time to multiply” – had sex, children appeared.

Its values respond to physiology. And a person calmly follows such a route from birth and to death. Ninety -six percent live just like that. They chose the institute because a friend went there. They chose a job because it is close to the house. I moved the office, it became inconvenient – I will change my work “.

The system of values in each manifests itself at the time of choice. Our flashlight will not change, we will not have new values in our hands, unless life does not throw us a challenge when we suddenly say to ourselves: “You can’t live more,” and the next morning we wake up others. You can replace the flashlight by deciding to conduct an audit and rebuilding the system of values.

This can be done in three ways.

The first is a personal crisis that more often becomes a serious test for humans. “People who have passed through him admit that they have become different, their life has changed, has ultimately better, but they would never want to repeat it,” the expert shares.

The second way is to change the social environment. But there may be options: from Sumy and prison, as they say. “You can spend several years behind bars. And the system of values will definitely change, ”says Konstantin. – And you can go to the MBA course and go out of there a real capitalist, with a calculator “glued” to your hand, which will become part of you.

You can go along the third path – long and dull work on yourself. But I know the way to do this work is not so dull and long. Its essence can be placed in one phrase: the scale of the personality is determined by the questions that it is asked. When I find out the questions that a person asks himself, I recognize his system of values “.

Understanding the system of values of another, we can understand what elections he makes every day and will still make. And with a high degree of probability, we will be able to predict what life he will live. Unless he passes through the change of his flashlight. And it turns out that in order to change our flashlight, we need to revise these questions asked by ourselves every day.

According to Konstantin Kharsky, from seventy to eighty percent of these issues are destructive. For example: “For what I am, Lord?”. Having reviewed your list, abandoning unnecessary questions and adding the necessary ones, you can change the value system and criteria for daily choice, and therefore strategically, and life.

“If students of medical universities were talked about what actually awaits them and what questions they will ask a doctor all the time, then many of them would leave the first year and did not stay in the illusions regarding their purpose,” says KonstantinHara.

If there is someone whose life you like, someone who can become an example to follow, think about what questions this person is asking. No need to ask him about this – most of us will not be able to answer without crawling, only the most wise and advanced people know the answer. Just reflect on his flashlight and list of questions asked for yourself. And start asking them for yourself.